Honeycomb Hideout: Losing a Relative Who Wasn’t Close to You

Dear Honeycomb Hideout,

I recently lost a relative that I wasn’t very close to. I’m having difficulty grieving like the rest of my family and it makes me feel like the black sheep of my family. Is there something wrong with me? 


Not Sad But Not Sorry

Dear Not Sad But Sorry, 

First, I want to offer my condolences for the loss of your family member.

Your lack of grief is fine, because your feelings, or in this situation, lack thereof, are valid simply because they’re yours. You’re feeling like the black sheep of your family because you aren’t grieving like them. But, you must remember that you’re grieving differently because your relationship with the deceased was also different from the rest of your family. 

My advice is simply to be present for your family that you are close to. Express your sympathy and comfort them—it means more than you’ll ever know. Take this time to tell your family how much you actually love them, how important they are to you, and reflect on relationships that you cherish and ones you want to make better. 

As you know, in these pandemic times we have an opportunity to truly reflect on our lives, as we aren’t as easily distracted by the usual drama we carry around. 

Hopefully, when I mentioned a relationship you cherish or want to make better, you immediately thought of the people in your life that you wanted to reach out to and be there for. 

If not, now is the time. Life is busy, yes, we know, but a five minute phone call or short text can mean the world to someone you know. Just imagine if the person you lost was someone you were close to; you’d regret not taking the chance to do just that.  

I wish you the best with everything ahead of you. Also, don’t wear jeans to the funeral! You don’t have to be close to show a little bit of respect, for God’s sake. 

Yours truly, 


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